in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just tell him i said nine months
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
