Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize