im drinking this country out of the recession.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
