Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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