....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
