3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
