You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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