its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
