My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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