a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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