...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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