I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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