i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
