Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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