Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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