Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
