I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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