yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
