No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
