You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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