someone threw a dead crab at me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
