I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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