she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
