Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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