The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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