oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
