I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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