either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
