i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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