Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
