My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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