I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
