I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
