that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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