wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
