There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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