oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
