Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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