Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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