I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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