I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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