Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
