Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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