kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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