a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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