speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
