Your mouth is God's brothel.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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