did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
