I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
