yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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