the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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