Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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