Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
