I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
