It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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