Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
