so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
