I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
