Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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