my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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