Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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