I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
