There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize