Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
