you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
