when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
