from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
