I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
