If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
