He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
